You are currently browsing the category archive for the 'Poems and Writings' category.
Do you find yourself always looking behind you regretting the things you have or should have done? Well most of us do look behind ourselves once and awhile to remind us of past mistakes and lost friends and family. This is quite normal and also therapeutic if it is not a everyday occurrence.
When we tend to look back too much we start forgetting to enjoy the things we do have and the neglect the relationships we are currently in. Just like it is very difficult to walk backwards and get somewhere fast without stumbling allot it is also difficult to live in the past and present at the same time. Learn from your past not live in your past. And yes its not as easy as it sounds, To some of us we have made living in the past a way of life. Basically it becomes a bad habit hard to quit, But like all habits it can be curbed and or ended.
Of course its a long process to change a habit, But you can curb it little by little. I usually just remind myself when thinking too much on the past that even though it could have been different that it can not be changed. I also work on forgiving myself for the mistakes and wrong decisions along with reminding myself I am only human. In the end everyone must find their own method of dealing with the fact that the past is the past and is an unchangeable fact of life. So good luck to those who also has the same bad habit as I, and Live for today not for the days gone past.
Peace and God Bless
Raymond Barbier
Deep within me is strength that is longing to surface and a fear that blocks its way. Am I afraid that I may succeed and make something out of myself? Or is it I am afraid that I am not strong enough to turn this life around and make it into something I would be proud of? The real question is there anything really to fear in letting that strength to take its place in my life.
I know I am not the only one who faces these kind of fears and that there are many out there that are not living up to their potential due to such fears. A quote from a interesting movie always comes to mind when I deal with fear, it is from Dune and the quote is as follows “Fear is the Mind Killer”… Fear stops one from thinking logically usually and prohibits one from moving on and changing his or her destiny.
Fear stops all of us from improving our life and keeps us from venturing out of our comfort zone. Yes my comfort zone is nice, but it isn’t where I want to be all of my life. Just like everyone else on this planet I want a good job and a family I can love and be a part of. Also though I face my short comings and fear of failure like allot of other people in the world.
Its basically a tug of war between your fear and your hopes and dreams. Which do you want to win? I know which side I prefer… So guess its time to face the fear so I can let my life become all it can and is supposed to be.
Sadness hides deep within me and has been there since I was but a child. I have lived my life as a semi carefree person with a attitude that is mild. Many thing have happened to me throughout the years of my life. Some of them were fantastic and wondrous and some of them where things of strife. The body grows old but the spirit within me is yet that small child and it is still a little scared.What it is scared of is being alone and having a love that will never be truly shared.
Tears fell like rain as I cried into the pillow and I still am unsure of why I was crying. My life is not like I would like it to be and though I feel down I will keep on trying. Optimism mixed with realism keeps this soul moving forward on the path of learning. This path I started out on a long time ago and it is what keeps my fire burning. If it wasn’t for the friends and lovers along the way to learn from and teach I would not have made it this far. I found fuel for the fire even in those that were nothing but a one time meet in a coffee house or bar.
Maybe I shed tears for those things that didn’t come to be and for the things that may not be tomorrow. Maybe it is for the things I’ve done wrong and now I feel regret and sorrow. It may also be a cry for help to who will listen and help me move on down the path I have chose to follow. For it to mean nothing is one theory I find hard for me to swallow. Though I have rediscovered a few things about myself in the tears I cried. I have told myself allot of things that were true but to myself I also have lied.
Optimism is the way I prefer but realism is the way that seems to be the way of today. To learn that life isn’t fair is one lesson we all have to learn and accept as this worlds way. But this does not mean that I must follow that example and be callous or cold. I need to avoid such things but that gets harder as I grow old. Things undone and things that were not meant to be is part of the life cycle we are bound to. Things that will never be are things that are usually wrong or impossible for one to do. Some things are just better left unsaid and undone in this world we all live in. We sometimes have to be the loser in order for someone else to win.
“Though life isn’t always fair it always seems to keep everything in balance and order.” – R. Barbier
Family and friends not only influence what we are they are a great part of our lives. They are there to balance out our lives, to keep us in check and help us through the times we think are impossible to survive. They also help us celebrate when times are good. We don’t always like what they have to say or the things they do but we always love them for who they are. Some of them we learn to despise and mistrust and that is a shame for every friend and family member we have belong in our lives. Sometimes even a negative influence brings forth a positive result.
Our family we may not get to choose, but to lose even the worst member of the family is to lose a part of our souls. Friends we may choose but still in a way I believe even friends are something that may be destined more than chosen. Either way they are like an extension of our family. It is better to live with family and friends all around than to live life all alone. I find my self much happier when I am surrounded by those whom I love and have befriended. Family and friends may move apart or even grow apart but I believe that friends and family are always that no matter what happens .
When we are young we take for granted that the friends we make then will always be in our lives. Some will survive the test of time and some will fade away. Or in my case they all will be left behind. Though I have made a few good friends since I moved away from Overland Missouri as a teen, None have been as close or as dear as those I had to leave behind. The older I get the more I miss the friends I had and wish I could have kept in touch with them.
Friendship is a form of extended family, Like brothers and sisters they are a part of your everyday life. Unlike brothers and sisters you got to choose which friends you had/have. Sometimes friends are even closer to you than your own family. Bonded by experiences you’ve shared together and the compatibility of your personalities. Friends help each other through life and good friends stick with you through all the trials in life you may face.
My friends that I have lost due to the move
(from School – Armbruster Vocational Prep & Ritenour Jr. High)
Lisa Miller, Cathy Althaus, Stephanie Curley, Ginger Parrish ,Mark Sides, Billy Palmer, Jim Derricks, Ed Delfert, Steve Heafner, Deanna Begley, Bev Groves, John Carver, Jerry Pyle and many more.
Friends that I lost due to their Deaths.
Thomas Roll, Bill Northcut, Dennis Scott Rice, Lance of overland Missouri. (forgot his last name.) R.I.P.
I find it much easier to forgive others of their mistakes than to forgive myself. I do not know if it is due to my belief that I should know better than to make the mistake, or if I am just not as lenient with myself as I am with others. Self forgiveness is very important in healing ones emotional and mental wounds.
Forgiving others is also important, but if you can not forgive yourself for the things you have done then you will carry the guilt around forever. One thing to realize is that you are not perfect and that you will make mistakes in life. Sometimes the mistakes are small and sometimes they are life changing.
Until you forgive yourself of those mistakes you will never be able to move on with your life. By carrying the guilt around all the time you put your body through some heavy stress. We all know how stress can effect ones health and mental state. To forgive is divine is the phrase I remember from my youth. They forgot to tell you the forgiveness is not only for others but also for yourself.
“To forgive is Divine, To forgive ones self is hard.”
Depression is one of the great enemies of life. Of course it is a natural process in dealing with grief. But it is only supposed to be a short lived release of sadness. In this day and time depression has put a death grip on a large part of the populous. Depression does not only cause a type of mental and emotional paralysis it also can cause many health issues such as weakening of the immune system and constant pain in the body.
There are pharmaceutical solutions to depression but in treating the symptoms they seem to miss the cause sometimes. Those who have depression due to chemical imbalances the drug therapy is a viable solution. Some people are depressed due to events that happened in their life, sometimes events they don’t even remember. Drugs may numb them of the symptoms to a degree but it doesn’t fix the problem.
Therapist can help some who face depression and that is only if the person who is depressed is ready and or willing to face the problems within. Some people are depressed and do not even know it. For years I have been suffering on and off from depression and until the last 5 years I didn’t even know that I was. Problem with depression is that it manifests itself in many different forms. Even Psychologist miss the signs of depression and even diagnose depression as other mental illnesses.
Now days a lot of research has gone into how diet and environment effects the mental and physical well being of mankind. So here is another possibility in the ever growing list of things that may cause depression. Maybe one day we will find a quick fix for depression, but till then I guess we have to keep delving into our past to seek out what event that may have triggered the depression. If you are lucky enough to find the event/Chain of events that started the depression just remember forgiveness is divine and is a path to healing.
Sometimes we get lost in our busy lives we live. We seem to forget the things that make life worth while.
Little things like a smile on someone we love or a simple hug from a friend. We start working our lives away to make things better for ourselves and the ones we love, but then we get trapped in the cycle and forget about the reason why we started working so hard in the first place. All the money in the world can not make someone love you. Yes it
can get you someone who you think loves you, but that person will love your money not you. The people you love and
who love you are there for you through thick and thin, rich and poor and will love you unconditionally. If not then their
love may be shallow and conditional. I am not going to try and say what love is, it is one of those age old questions that have a ever changing definition.
Work hard to make life a better thing for you and those you love. Love even harder than you work so life will be better for those you love. Life here on earth is not forever so we need to live life with all the love and understanding we can muster. See each day as a new beginning and another chance to make those we love happy.
Forgive not only the mistakes of others, also forgive the mistakes you have made and learn from those mistakes.
Always remember that the love we give and receive is a far greater treasure than gold or silver.
Deep within me there seems to be a tiger sleeping.
The persona of a peaceful dove is one I be keeping.
My mind cries out in anger as my heart tempers the words
I speak. There are times that my heart begins to waver and it
is weak. The Tiger Comes out to devour all who oppose it until
the heart regains control.
Then I live with the guilt and it is slowly taking it’s toll.
The tiger is strong but my will to be a good man is stronger.
I know Soon the tiger must not be within me any longer.
For only one can be within me, either the tiger or the dove.
So in the end I choose not anger but choose unconditional love.
Can I defeat the tiger within me or will it devour me?
Will love tame the beast or will the beast be set free?
Either way it will be what I decide for I am the master of my fate.
And I will not give into the age old lie of that it may be to late.
One can not change their past, They only can learn from it and try to change what might come.We live in
the present and look forward to the future. What we do now will ultimately effect what will come. what I
just said being common sense and basic action causes reaction it seems to be one of the easiest things to
forget. It is easier to look back and see ones mistakes than to think before one acts to avoid future mistakes.
It seems to all boil down to a form of self discipline and most of us are lacking in that area.
Some of the problem is the world we live in today, everything is going so fast nobody seems to have time to
think. Though time is constant the perception of it is not. Do you remember when we were in school and the
days would creep by during the week but the weekend would fly so fast it seemed to only be one day? Well
that is what I am getting at. Time is time , but how fast or slow we move in it is a perception of time. If we
could master the perception of time then maybe we would feel like we have more time to get things done.
Thus maybe we would think a bit more before we act and avoid allot of the mistakes we will make.
“Live now, Remember the past and plan for the future.”
